Woke up this morning a litte fuzzy. DJed last night at Cnfusion on Saint Denis. Really cute little spot with some pretty tasty tapas. I had a fun time DJing. It's been a while and I always get nervous. As I was setting up I was thinking how I would always make Jonathan do the set up because he was the "guy" and knew how to do those things. Now I'm doing it myself. I've come a long way.
Not a lot of dancing but the management was really pleased and that satisfied me. I'm training myself to not take things so seriously. It was a great night and I played a variety of music like I always do just to keep the people happy. In a bar or lounge setting it's especially important to check my ego at the door. Did I play YMCA? Guilty as charged. But were people loving it and doing the dance? Yes and yes. In the end, it's always about the dancing. The one thing that I loved is that they encouraged me to play more House which I will definitely do the next time I am invited back. I played a lot of Love themed Songs but since it was an Anti-Valentine's Party I thought it was appropriate to play Bad Romance. That was a highlight for me. Who doesn't want to be screaming "I don't want to be friends" at the top of their lungs?
There's one guy I am struggling being friends with. I put out a challenge to myself to start dating and I met Max. It was pretty hot and heavy but the fire burned out just as quick as it begun. I admit, I'm addicted to the Love Drug. And it really is a drug kids, beware! I love that feeling of thinking about someone, and wondering if that person is thinking of you. I enjoy the Honeymoon period but I enjoy all the little things too; the dinners, the laundry together, sitting on the couch doing nothing, the laughter. I get lost in it and sometimes way too easily.
I'm thinking about being friends with this guy. That's new for me and I'll be honest, I'm not sure I can do it. From my understanding people in the Gay community do it all the time. They sleep with people, have these torrid little flings, and then in six months become best friends, fuck buddies, roommates whatever. That never sat well with me. I've met people whose friends are made up of past lovers. When I'm done, I'm usually done. We didn't work out as boyfriends so what's left? I HAVE friends. But is that immature on my part? Am I missing out on an opportunity to be with someone on another level?
On Friday during class I texted Max saying I wanted to just complete things with him. And he responded so I think we'll find some time to do that but I don't know when. At this point I honestly don't know what I am going to say to him that hasn't already been said. And with my feelings the way they are I don't know how healthy it is for me to go down that friendship path with a hope or a dream that someday something might happen between us (again). I'm a great guy. I've got a lot of love to give. I was ready to put it on the table and it was rejected. Do I really need to be around that? I mean I get it, the course of true love never did run smooth, but c'mon Universe, I'm asking you to cut me some slack here!
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