mid-January check up

Seriously, sometimes I need to stay away from Facebook. Lately when I find myself on there, having to do some Invites or creating Events or what not, I notice that I start to waste my time looking at what everyone is up to in their lives and then I start to get depressed about my own. Jim went to see The King's Speech. Lance is heading to Brazil. Brad got a great DJ gig! I start to worry that I am not very productive at all. These social networks are not always great for the ego.

When I am depressed, everything is up for questioning. Am I not cool enough to be a DJ? Why did she get that gig and not me? Do I suck? Is this the right city for me? Why don't I have more friends? It's endless.

So I'm trying to look at the reality of my situation.

I just got back to work which has been great. I really enjoy teaching Zumba and I am actually surprised I am continually growing as an Instructor. I am constantly curious about how to create a fun and loving space to dance in. It's been really fun.

I'm in the process of finishing a very short story that I am going to read aloud at a Coffee House next weekend. Writing is such a strange creative outlet for me that I am still trying to figure out. I find it so frustrating and draining at times and yet it can be the most rewarding. I'm writing short works of prose about my experiences as a dancer. It will be a mix of things that really happened and also fiction. I find if I stay too close to the "truth" it just blocks me creatively. I want to get to the essence of my experience as opposed to writing a true account of it. My goal is to have something self-published by the end of the Summer (wow, I can't believe I just wrote that down. It's like it is now real, I have officially put it in the Universe).

DJing has been the toughest for me. I just feel like I still am like the biggest loser DJ on the block, trying desperately to be cool. I think I need to bring a space of gratitude to this area because in so many ways I am really fortunate. I am truly a working DJ after all. Not a lot of people can say that and I don't want to seem ungrateful. I just know I still have a ways to go in my vision as a DJ.I really judge myself harshly as a DJ. And as I am writing this I notice how much I crave praise and acknowledgment from other people. It's like I cannot believe that I am a good DJ unless I am spinning at a club with a lot of people in it. Last night I did my regular night at Houston and two people asked for my card. I must be doing something right. I just have to continue to train myself not to listen to that little voice in my head that says I suck all the time.

And I am just starting to date and in the past month I have made new friends. Last week I planned a dinner out and I actually was surrounded by people I haven't known for very long. It's pretty crazy.

So as I am writing this all I can think of is that the Universe is working with me. The Universe is supporting me and wants me to have everything I desire. Things are moving, and they are moving exactly as they should be. But how I choose to see things is up to me :)