I've been in a funk the last week or so. It's always such a strange transition to get into the Winter swing of things. The cold gnaws at my bones, the hypochondriac in me constantly is sniffling and the lazy part of me just wants to sit in front of the TV all day and all night. Even today, as I stare outside at the bright blue sky, all I am longing for is the comfort of a quiet, dark movie theatre.
I want to be swept away. My life is moving along but I long for adventure. I am begging for something to break my routine. And yet I cling on to my routine for dear life. Ask me out to something fun and I'll second guess it. These days, my old couch takes precedents over a new club.
I've been having a very Criminal Christmas. My new favourite thing to do is watch TV shows on DVD. The joy of watching any regular show sans commercial is like crack. Last year my sister got the box set of Friends (which has been watched several times over at this point) so this year I have been watching Criminal Minds which is totally terrifying and terrific. I did not realize how disturbing that show actually is until I started to zip through each season. I only have a few more to go. It's a guilty pleasure.
Guilt. Why does guilt have to be associated with pleasure? Why can't pleasure just be, well, pleasurable? Who made that shit up? And why did I believe it? Feeling guilty can take up so much time in one's day. And when you add up all those guilty moments that could be half a life dedicated to feeling really crappy about yourself.
My horoscope said that "this will be our year to supercharge our will power and intensify our ability to carry out our plans - but always with good humour and a highly tuned sense of irony. In fact, on of the best ways to deepen our command over our own unconscious impulses and caprices of fate will be to take ourselves - and everything else, too - less seriously."
Taking myself less seriously. Not only me, but everything else. Can you imagine the freedom in that? And not in a way that things don't matter. But what if I could work hard and play hard and dream big...all a little less seriously? That would be something. That would be an adventure.
"If you start every day burdened by the past, they you're a bundle of conditioned reflexes and nerves constantly being triggered by peple and circumstances into predictable outcomes, like a machine."
Deepak Chopra
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