Friends: Old, New, Unexpected

We are all stars

Thank God Cam mentioned the Radiohead concert while he was cutting my hair in my apartment. For a while now I had been thinking that Radiohead is probably one of the only bands I have longed to see live but hadn't. Of course the tickets had been sold out by the time I checked their website but Cam showed me another site where my sister was able to score some tickets for us. Happy, happy, joy, joy! I love Cam. He reminds me so much of my friend Marco, who used to cut my hair in New York. I like having him over and telling stories while he cuts my hair. It's one of those simple pleasures I look forward too.

I have to say one of the highlights of last week was meeting this guy

Thursday night I got a call while I was on the phone. The ID said Brett Van Sickle, which I found somewhat surprising. I met Brett briefly on my trip to Toronto in the fall. He was dating one of my best friends at the time. Brett is a graduate of the same dance school I went to but we are of totally different generations, not to mention different stages in our careers. I was surprised because I knew he didn't know me that well so I figured it must be important. I phoned him back right away.

"Hello Brett?"

"Hi, I'm in Montreal."

"Really? Why? Are you auditioning for Les Grands? Do you need a place to stay?..."

"Yes and yes."

Brett was only here for about two days but I have to say, it was a real treat for me to open my home to a fellow dancer who needed a place to crash. We know many of the same people and it was nice to hear how everyone was doing. We talked a lot about the company, his dreams, my dreams, his goals and of course my friend and his ex, Mat. To know that we have so much in common and yet don't know each other at all created an interesting bond. We talked "ballet" and I made him point his toe (malade!). He is a really good guy and I am glad I got to know him a little better.

I also had a chance to talk with my friend Melissa who is dancing with Ballet BC. We hadn't spoken since the winter so it was nice to catch up and see how things were going out West.

So many changes...little and big. Subtle, profound, minute. Every once in a while the question pops up. "Why aren't you dancing anymore?" I always found it a little unsettling to talk about past accomplishments. Will knowing that I was in The Lion King change the way you see me? I was a ballet dancer then and a DJ there, but now I am a busboy...does that change the way you treat me? We are not our jobs.

The little secret that no one really knows is that I am doing exactly what I did as a little kid. When I was eight, I would play old records and dance in my basement. I would dance so much I would lay on the ground, exhausted. And somewhere a long the way that became a career; I got paid for it. And now I don't. Will I again? Maybe. But the truth is, I don't think I'll ever stop thinking of myself as a dancer. I love moving too much. I like the way my body feels. That's why I like clubbing so much. I just enjoy moving to music. It's funny but I don't even need to drink or party that much anymore. I just dance. And when I think I've had enough, I leave.

It's uncertain that I will ever join a professional company again. To be at that calibre and to perform at that level requires a certain amount of dedication and drive that I don't think I have anymore. Plus in certain dance communities I am deemed too old, or some too young. I have peered through that world, behind the velvet curtain and I have enjoyed what I've seen. With Dance, it's never been a straight road. The future remains a mystery.