Got Soul

It's been so long since I've "blogged" last. I feel like so much has happened, so many layers have been peeled away, so many new insights, and yet at the same time, not much at all. I've got Spring on my mind. I'm pleading for it, aching for it. It's been a very long winter.

My job as a busboy has been an amazing tool in keeping me in check and in the present moment. As I have mentioned before, my body seems to reject any kind of labour intensive work. I noticed a lot of times I would complain to others to get them enrolled in my plight and make them feel sorry for me so that I could be the martyr. But our last assignment at Landmark was to give up on complaining and every day I go to work, it is an opportunity to make that choice in my life. When I feel myself get angry or start to tense up I try to take a moment to just breathe and I say to myself, "Yes, I hear you ego, I feel you, I know you are there. But you do not overpower me. You are not me." I had an extremely difficult afternoon on Good Friday. We were short staffed and I was feeling overwhelmed as were the servers. The ego was strong that day. I even broke a few glasses by accident which I hardly ever do. But instead of going too far down that rabbit hole I tried to recognize it for what it was: my ego having a tantrum. That's all. As I was cleaning and setting tables in the front of the restaurant I noticed a little baby staring at me from over her father's shoulder. We shared a few moments together and that really helped. Babies can be extremely direct when they are looking at you.

I think one of the reasons why I was moody was because I had gone out two nights in a row. Wednesday I went to Segafredo for Sneaks, Beats and Life and I had a wonderful time with Toddy, Rita, Carla and Bic. I really wanted to give Bic my Demo because I didn't see her at Cherry on Saturday for Jojo's set but I wasn't too concerned because I knew she would be at Sneak, Beats and Life on Wednesday. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to meet the Flores's at this time in my life. Both Bic's brothers are very successful DJs and she is a successful business person running GotSoul Recordings. The DJ industry can be so competitive and what I find so refreshing about them is their generousity of spirit. There's just no bullshit with them.

Bic invited me out to Therapy at Cherry the following night and I agreed to make an appearance. I had already made a promise to myself to attend Simian Mobile Disco at Coda for the Chromeo after party but it's important to make as many connections as I can. I think some people might find it a bit strange that I go out by myself. I guess it is in some ways but I've done it for so many years now I am used to it. Sure it would be nice to have a social circle or entourage, but it doesn't always work out that the friends that are closest to me can find the time to go clubbing or want to. Perhaps it's my independent spirit, but I've never let the lack of friends stop me from going out, especially if it's a DJ I want to see or a club I want to go to. Sometimes the best dates are with yourself.

Jojo Flores didn't go on till about one but I met some new people and spoke with Bic a little bit. Like Saturday, it was a Classic House set (Jojo's forte) and I have to say as much as I like a lot of the "new sound" coming out of electronic music today, Deep House, Classic House, just feeds my soul. People tend to hold on to this notion that a DJ needs to be on the cutting edge, to inform the masses of what's hot, what's cool and that is important, that has it's place. But it's also important to really speak to people through music, to tell a story. I find Jojo Flores to be really conscious of that and I appreciate his track selections. He played Reach for Me which was great and also gave me indication that it was time to head to Coda. As of late, it's been fun experimenting with when I think it's the appropriate time to leave and the minute I feel I get the right high I step out so I can keep that feeling with me.

At quarter to two, I thought there might be a line at Coda but there wasn't so that was good. Both Cherry and Coda in terms of ambiance, clientele and music couldn't be farther from each other. Where Cherry has the Soul, Coda's got the party. The crowd is young, energetic and wild. It was very crowded and very hot. Simian Mobile Disco were just tearin' up the one's and two's and though I don't always feel included in this community, I love and appreciate their spirit. SMD played a smashing set which I only heard a portion of; right after HustlerI walked out into the cold night, but not before I heard the door guy say, "Walk down the stairs to your right, people! There's puke over there."

So work was definitely a struggle the next day but I managed to pull through, especially since Mistaya was meeting me for a quick drink afterwards. It was really nice, because I hadn't really brought in any friends to M: Brgr (truth be told, I don't have that many in Montreal). One of the things I like about my friendship with Mistaya is that it's not rooted in the past. We were classmates and we have known each other since Ballet School, but the relationship we had cultivated doesn't exist in that place. When we talk to each other it's about things that are happening now and about dreams we are in the process of accomplishing. It's inspiring.

Since it was Easter weekend the Church around the corner from where I live was doing a concert of Bach's St, Jean and I thought it would be great to hear some beautiful choral music. I wouldn't say I am a religious person, though I did attend church as a child, in part because all our relatives attended the same church and it was a great way for the family to be together once a week. I do think of myself as someone who is spiritual. What I thought would be a nice evening listening to some beautiful classical music (it truly was) turned into a family outing which was a nice surprise. I have a sneaking suspicion that my parents were just elated that all their kids actually wanted to go to Church for once. Just to give you an indication of how not religious me and my sisters are, at one point, Frances and I did the crossword and towards the end I whispered over to Liz, "I have about half an hour left in me". The Tenor had a beautiful quality to his voice and sang with only brief punctuations on the organ. I realized later that he was actually singing the scripture directly from the bible, narrating the events of the crucifixion. "Wow," I said to Fran. "It's spoken word, Bach style."

Over the weekend I thought a bit about Jesus and religion and how it fits into my life. So many people believe that just because they enter a beautiful building once a week they are more enlightened than others. What good is understanding the teachings of Christ if it's not applied in every day life? I can sense sometimes there is a disappointment in my parents that their children no longer attend church. And I cannot speak for my siblings, but I know for myself that does not mean I am not trying to cultivate deeper meaning in myself and my life. Before we headed to church that night my family had dinner at Liz's apartment. Since Mistaya had driven me home and was taking a look at where I lived she was witness to a flood of Vicente's coming through the front door. When they saw it was my friend, my parents immediately welcomed her and sat her down for dinner which was shrimp and fish with rice. That simple act of inviting my friend to dinner was truly giving and loving and Christian. And recognizing those moments as sacred are far more important to my life than attending a church.